The Depth of Dreams
by Polgaria
Summary: Kathryn overindulges in the privacy of Sandrine's holographic bar- but what results is a horror that can only happen in dreams. Please R&R ~POL ^^
1. Night Terror

Kathryn Janeway sat alone in Sandrine's, staring listlessly into the depths of her coffee mug that sat nearly empty before her. She could have been in the messhall, eating dinner with a member of her crew, or perhaps playing velocity with Seven, but no- she'd rather sit alone in a smoky, dingy, holographic bar and stare at the black tar she had nearly finished drinking. At least, that's what she told herself, hoping that she could lie convincingly enough to fool herself, at the very least.  
  
"But- if you can't fool yourself," she pondered miserably, still gazing at her mug that she twisted in her hands, "who can you fool?"  
  
Certainly not any member of her crew. No, they were all far too perceptive for that sort of thing. They all felt it was their duty to take care of their beloved Captain, as she obviously wasn't terribly good at taking care of herself. It wasn't really that she was negligent to her needs, rather that she was just too damned busy all the time to be bothered to eat breakfast, or get that extra hour of sleep, or decline that coffee that would send her over the edge into the all too frequently visited land of migraines. Harry Kim worried over her, Tom felt it was his personal duty to ask if she'd eaten lunch that day- and every time she passed Kes in the corridor or saw her in the messhall, she felt the young Ocompa analyzing her with her all too seeing eyes.  
  
"And let's not forget Chakotay," she said, swilling around the cold coffee and downing it in one disgusted swoop.  
  
He was always there, always hovering. Asking if she was alright- if he could do anything to help her, do anything to lessen her burden. Gazing at her with those caring eyes, talking to her in that damned soft voice that she both loved and hated at the same time. If he would just leave her alone- then at least she could carry on loathing herself, feeling sorry for herself and wallowing in the guilt that had plagued her for over four years now. But no, there he was- the constant reminder that she could not have the one thing she wanted the most, and that everyone else that was around her could.  
  
And for that she despised him. It was a vicious circle, really. The loving- the hating- the wanting-  
  
"Ma Cherie- would you like another cup?"  
  
It was Sandrine. Kathryn felt her jaw clench uncontrollably. Who dared to interrupt her? But no- now she was being hateful again, and she could not allow herself to give in to that hate, if not for the sake of herself, then for the sake of the crew.  
  
"No, but thank-you." Kathryn forced a smile to her face and willed the persistent hologram to go away.  
  
Sandrine sighed. "Alright then- I am going to go home now. Turn off the lights when you leave, si vous plait." The holographic bartender minced away into the back room. Kathryn knew that she would not return again that night, and was glad of it.  
  
She looked again into her now empty coffee cup and felt herself wanting something else- something with a little more 'flavor.' Kathryn shuffled drearily behind the bar and began to rummage through the cabinets in search of anything with a little alcohol in it. Finally, she settled for a bottle of vintage wine, apparently from the vineyards of southern France by the flowery label that was plastered onto the front of the bottle, not noticing the 18% in small type at the bottom, under a large, fake looking rose.  
  
She didn't even bother with a glass.  
  
Only one hour later Kathryn Janeway had consumed the entire bottle. She hiccoughed rather loudly and attempted to raise her sopping self from the dusty floor of the bar. With little success, she leaned heavily against the bar stool she had occupied when she was still sober enough to sit up, and foggily thought that she should perhaps be heading back to her quarters to sleep off the effects of her indulgence.  
  
By some miracle, she made it to the privacy her quarters without running into a single crew member- and more importantly- without throwing up all over the immaculate carpeting of the ship's corridors. As the room spun dizzyingly around her, Kathryn picked one of the several doors that should have led her to her bathroom and staggered towards it in search of the toilet she was now inevitably going to throw up in. She tore her jacket from herself and discarded it on the floor as she stumbled through the doorway-  
  
All her dignity crumbled around her shiny, black boots as she heaved into her silver, Starfleet issue toilet. The acid burned her throat and the fruity smell of the wine she had consumed combined with the bile only caused her to feel even more nauseous.  
  
"Kathryn," she said as she choked over a next wave of vomit, "you are a hopeless excuse for a Captain, and the most horrible person-" she gagged again and watched hopelessly as more bile gushed into the toilet, "-you will ever set eyes on for the rest of your life."  
  
With a sob, she watched the toilet fade into blackness. Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager lost consciousness on her bathroom floor.  
  
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Kathryn Janeway walked down the halls of Voyager in her silky, pink nightdress, passing by crew members and waving cordially, a smile plastered all too obviously on her face. She happened by B'Elanna, the young half- Klingon's stomach swollen with child. She stopped to place a lingering hand on the B'Elanna's stomach, feeling the child growing within. B'Elanna looked on coldly, unabashed by her Captain's apparent interest. Even the child seemed to will Kathryn away with a forceful kick from within it's mother.  
  
Kathryn moved on.  
  
The next person she met was Ensign Wildman, and her six-year-old daughter Naomi. Kathryn bent smiling to greet her little assistant, but the girl whimpered and hid her face against her mother's leg, clinging fearfully to the black uniform. Frowning with confusion, Kathryn stood to look at Ensign Wildman, to see perhaps if her face offered some clue- but it didn't. Ensign Wildman glared indifferently at the Captain before picking Naomi up and walking hurriedly away, glancing back once to make sure the Captain wasn't following.  
  
Kathryn raised a disbelieving hand to her mouth, only to clutch it to her stomach as a searing pain burned through her abdomen. She gasped and collapsed to the floor as pain ravaged her body, beginning at her centre and rippling through her spine and limbs like a wave of liquid fire. She tried to crawl towards sickbay- but the agony held her there- she could barely move. She stood, blinded by pain- and staggered into the first doorway that whooshed open. Somehow, she had made it to sickbay.  
  
"Computer-" she gasped, "ac- activate EMH- please-"  
  
The Doctor shimmered into existence, and looked down at his Captain, writhing on the floor.  
  
"Please," she sobbed, "please- help- me-"  
  
The EMH stood impassively, watching with distaste.  
  
Another surge took her and she felt her body convulse in anguish again- and again- and again-  
  
She felt warm liquid trickling out from between her legs and she put her hand there, and with horror, brought it up to her eyes.  
  
Blood. Crimson- full of not life- but of death.  
  
A final spasm tore through her body and she felt the muscles in her stomach contract- she put her hands to her opening and caught the small, unformed body of the child she had failed to keep alive. Wildly, she clung the small, bloodied body to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably.  
  
"Please-" she screamed as sweat-matted hair clung to her face and blood pooled beneath her on the floor. "Please- please!"  
  
"It's dead," the Doctor noted clinically as he walked to the door and disappeared.  
  
"PLEASE!" she shrieked as she rocked her baby to her breast. "PLEASE!"  
  
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Chakotay was wrenched from a deep sleep by a throaty scream from behind his head.  
  
"What in spirits-" he muttered groggily as he sat up and removed the blankets from himself.  
  
"Please!" There it was again- but who-  
  
"PLEASE!!!" Another passionate cry passed through the walls and Chakotay felt himself dashing out of his room, next door to the Captain's quarters, before his brain had even realised where he was going. As usual, his heart was leading the way.  
  
He banged on the doors to the Captain's quarters- but they would open for only her- he didn't have her security code.  
  
"Kathryn!" he yelled as he barraged the door with clenched fists. "Kathryn- open up these doors!"  
  
Nothing- nothing but another piercing plea for some unknown release. Chakotay felt tears of frustration burning at his eyes. "Dammit Kathryn- open the door!" Nothing. Chakotay mindlessly started typing in anything that came to his mind into the security keypad. Suddenly, and unexpectedly, the doors slid quickly open and he ran inside, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw-  
  
When-he-saw-  
  
She was kneeling on the floor of her bathroom- naked- holding something invisible to her chest and rocking spasmodically, sobbing and crying and pleading to something- someone Chakotay couldn't see. Her auburn hair clung to her face and her neck in damp tendrils and her arms and chest glistened with panicky, feverish sweat.  
  
He ran to her, gathered her into his arms, ignorant of her nakedness, her state of total vulnerability. He held her to his bare chest tightly and caressed her back gently, trying to soothe her out of her terror- she clung to him in turn and nuzzled her face against his chest.  
  
"Please-" she whimpered, "my baby. Save my baby."  
  
"Shush," he said softly, resting his head on hers, "Kathryn, it's alright. It was a dream- just a bad dream. Please don't cry."  
  
Chakotay lifted Kathryn easily from the cold floor and wrapped her naked form in the large, soft robe that hung on a hook near the shower. As she moved to leave, he noticed the vomit in the toilet- she'd been sick, too. Only then did he smell the pungent scent of alcohol on her breath.  
  
"Oh Kathryn," he sighed. What had driven her to this?  
  
He deposited her on the bed and wrapped the robe around her more securely, and then tucked the covers over her, smoothing the damp hair away from her face. He kissed her lightly, tenderly on the forehead.  
  
He wanted to hold her to him- to kiss the tears away from her precious eyes- but he knew that if she woke in the morning, in his arms, she would never forgive him for breaching the protocols, for taking advantage of her in a time of weakness.  
  
Removing a blanket from the closet, he covered himself and sat down into a chair that he placed next to her bed.  
  
He watched over her the rest of the night, and left in the morning before she awoke. 


	2. Certified

Chapter 2  
  
Chakotay wandered aimlessly back towards his quarters, with far too much on his mind. What was so wrong with Kathryn that she would drown her troubles in drink, and then have horrifying terrors in her mind? He knew that he had to talk to her about the night before- but the question was, how? Kathryn had a strong spirit, Chakotay had always known that, and she would not admit to herself, or anyone else that she might need help. Physically and mentally, Kathryn always appeared strong to her crew, but in the brief and all too infrequent moments when Chakotay saw the woman behind the rank- he knew that Kathryn was not as strong and as cold as she liked everyone to believe. She was a brave woman, and she could easily put others before herself, but she was not dispassionate, nor was she without her own personal demons. Kathryn suffered from the guilt of stranding her crew, from the pressure and stresses of being lost in an uncharted quadrant of the galaxy. She also suffered the prohibitions of protocol. She was a lonely woman, surrounded by people who she could only hope to befriend in the strictest of terms. Chakotay sometimes wondered how she managed it at all.  
  
Quickly, Chakotay changed into his Starfleet uniform and prepared himself mentally for bridge duty with the Captain.  
  
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Chakotay waited in his cushy seat, distractedly scanning through the logs from the night shift. He couldn't concentrate on the quotidian data. He was far too busy re-analysing everything that Kathryn had said during her nightmare. She spoke of a baby- and she seemed to be pleading for it's life. Chakotay wondered if perhaps Kathryn, even only subconsciously was longing for the potential family she had left behind when she was assigned to Voyager. It would make sense, really. Kathryn lead a solitary occupation, it was only natural that she would long for physical contact, for a child that she could call her own.  
  
Feeling a familiar presence, Chakotay left the data that he wasn't really looking at anyway and looked over to find Kathryn sitting in her command seat beside him.  
  
"Good morning Commander," she said, oozing a facade of cheerfulness.  
  
"She looks like hell," thought Chakotay silently. Kathryn wore bags under her eyes that rivalled the mask of a raccoon, and her eyes themselves were red and swollen from crying. Her bun was impeccably arranged as always, though, and she donned a bright smile.  
  
"Commander?" she queried when Chakotay failed to reply to her greeting.  
  
Her first officer quickly collected his thoughts, though and replied the second time she spoke to him. "Good morning Captain," he said, cheerfully enough, though he was still peering at her worriedly.  
  
"Dammit, what does he want now?" though Kathryn as she tucked a non- existent strand of hair back into her steel bun.  
  
"Did you sleep well last night?" Chakotay made with the innocent small talk, hoping that Kathryn would divulged some of the happenings of last night to him. She obviously didn't remember that he had been to her quarters at all, and if she did, she likely believed that it was simply another alcohol-induced hallucination.  
  
"Do I look that bad, Commander?" she ask, smiling weakly.  
  
"Like hell," he replied softly. He wasn't joking this time. "Kathryn- I"  
  
"Save it Chakotay," she began curtly, "I'm fine. I had rough night." She turned away from him and focused intently on the view-screen, which showed only the uninteresting sight of streaming stars as Voyager soared by them at warp 6.  
  
Chakotay leaned in closer to his Captain, his friend, "Kathryn- I know you had a bad night last night," he whispered. "You were sick and- and"  
  
"Drunk?" she supplied caustically. "Why were you in my quarters Chakotay?"  
  
"I heard you screaming and crying- it woke me up Kathryn. I went to your quarters to see if you were alright. It sounded like you were being attacked. I didn't mean to pry, but I was worried about you." Chakotay was trying to sound as neutral as possible, but he saw by Kathryn's clenched jaw that he was still setting the woman on edge. "Kathryn-"  
  
"Enough," she hissed. "This is neither the time, nor the place to be discussing this. If you wish to pry further into my personal life, please make an appointment and I will attend to your wishes at a later time."  
  
Chakotay was shocked. This wasn't the Kathryn he knew.  
  
"I think this is the perfect time!" he said loudly, angrily.  
  
The startled group of officers on the bridge looked up from their various consoles to see their two commanding officers glaring heatedly at each other.  
  
"In my ready-room, now!"  
  
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Once in her ready-room, Kathryn Janeway exploded.  
  
"What the hell did you think you were doing out their, Commander." She spat his rank at him like a photon torpedo. "The last thing I need right now is to have my first officer yelling at me in front of the entire bridge crew!" Kathryn put shaking hands to her temples and messaged her hangover- headache, which was quickly morphing into a migraine as well.  
  
"Kathryn- what's wrong with you- you're not like this!" Chakotay replied indignantly.  
  
In reply, Kathryn only sat down on her couch and cradled her face in her hands miserably. She knew that she shouldn't be taking her fear and frustration out on Chakotay, but he was a big boy- he could take it. "How do you know what I'm like, Chakotay? How do you propose to know anything about me? I am a solitary creature, Chakotay, and I lead a very solitary life here on this ship. No one knows a damn thing about me and no one ever will!"  
  
"Is that so," he murmured quietly. "Well- then in that case, I suppose I'll just forget the fact that I walked into your quarters last night to find you on your bathroom floor, without any clothes on and in convulsions. I'll forget that you were sobbing and wailing like everyone you loved had recently died- that it sounded as though you were having your heart wrenched from your chest. I'll forget that you clung to me and wept about a baby- your baby. I'll just forget everything, Kathryn, won't I? Just like a good little Commander. I'll do everything you tell me to do, all to preserve your ideal that no one knows anything about you so you can separate yourself from all of us even further than protocol deems necessary."  
  
Chakotay watched Kathryn carefully. He regretted every word that had just found it's way out of his mouth, but he knew what he said was necessary. The small woman's shoulders shook visibly and he knew she was crying. After what seemed like an eternity, Kathryn removed her hands from her face and dashed her tears away bravely, angrily.  
  
"Commander, you are relieved of duty until you are otherwise notified."  
  
Chakotay said nothing, but he didn't move either.  
  
"Get out," she said, her husky voice dangerously low and menacingly quiet. "Now."  
  
Chakotay did so, quickly.  
  
Kathryn maintained her stance until the doors had closed swiftly behind Chakotay, and then, she allowed one angry tear to slip down her flushed cheek before she shut her emotions away again.  
  
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"Tuvok to Janeway."  
  
"Go ahead Lieutenant," Kathryn said briskly.  
  
"We are approaching a planet- it is densely populated and Mr. Neelix has informed me that we will perhaps be able to purchase more deuterium there."  
  
"Thank you Tuvok. That's the best news I've had in days."  
  
Kathryn took a few seconds to make sure that her emotions were in check, and then she waltzed out onto the bridge, exuding an air of importance.  
  
"Report," she stated smartly as she approached Tuvok's console and leaned against it casually.  
  
"As I said before, Mr. Neelix informed me that we will be able to trade with the inhabitants of this planet. The people are called the Terwari and are a friendly race with a rich culture and sufficient background in mining and trading of deuterium."  
  
"Good, good," replied Kathryn absently. "Get an away team on it- and contact the Terwari. If they are willing, I would like to allow the crew a shore leave- one week should do it. Morale has been a little down lately and I'm sure the crew could use time off of the ship."  
  
"Yes ma'am," replied Tuvok, monotonous as ever.  
  
Kathryn was on the verge of retreating back to her ready-room when Harry Kim called her over to his console.  
  
"Yes Mr. Kim?" she said, not suspecting the interrogation that was heading imminently her way.  
  
"I was just wondering Captain- are you alright?" Harry sounded just a little abashed at his own nerve.  
  
Kathryn had to smile. Of all her officer's, Harry was one of the very few Kathryn felt close to. So young and naïve, his childlike manner had caused her to warm to him, almost in a way that one would become fond of a small child.  
  
"Harry, it's kind of you to ask, but it's nothing that a good night's sleep won't fix. Thank you for asking, but I'm fine, really." Another warm smile brightened Kathryn's face and Harry was convinced. He smiled too, and Kathryn went back to her Captain's chair, careful not to look at the empty seat where her first officer should have been. This was only the third time she had ever removed him from duty. As far as she was concerned, this time- he didn't even really deserve it. It was just a rouse to get him out of her hair.  
  
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Later that night, when Kathryn was alone in her quarters, a seemingly innocuous pad beamed itself into existence on her desk. She picked it up curiously- not expecting it's usual appearance whenever the odd shore leave crept into existence.  
  
An Interspecies Relations Certificate. Sure. Great. Damn the Doctor and his not so subtle suggestions that the Captain of Voyager should have a little liaison with one of the aliens on the planet to curb any sexual urges she might be feeling.  
  
For some reason, some unknown incentive- Kathryn Janeway planned to make use of that certificate. 


	3. Seduction

Chapter 3  
  
Kathryn sat on her bed in her quarters with the Interspecies Relations Certificate in her small hands. She looked at it intently and thought back to the dream she had had the night before. The miscarriage had to be a sign of some deeply buried troubles in her mind. Kathryn sighed and lay down on her bed, feeling tired, but luckily tonight she wasn't drunk. That thought brought other matters to mind- Chakotay had broken into her quarters and had- well, she didn't really want to think about it. It stirred emotions in her heart that she, against all costs must keep in check.  
  
Kathryn frowned and massaged her temples. Every time her heart forced her to think about Chakotay, her mind seemed to rebel with headaches, as if to say "You know you can't think about him this way!" Kathryn was tired to death of protocols. She was growing old, feeling lonely, and her childbearing years had nearly left her. Her thoughts wandered again to Chakotay.  
  
At least her brain would let her feel angry- and she felt plenty angry at Chakotay. What could she do, now? She had known that he had loved her for years, but he seemed to be becoming far too comfortable with their supposedly 'just friends' relationship. He seemed to violate the boundaries she herself had set at every chance he got.  
  
And that damned dream. It haunted her every second. What was she going to do about it? She realised that it was of course, because she was afraid she would never have the chance to have a child of her own. Protocol simply didn't permit it- unless-  
  
The reason she was so adamant to make use of her I.S.R. Certificate became suddenly clear. She was not permitted to have any sexual relations with any member of her crew, but if she were to become involved sexually with an alien on Terwaria- without protection, she could easily conceive the child she craved- almost guilt free. Of course, she would feel badly for whoever the father was, but if she didn't get to know the person she became intimate with, well- it wouldn't really be a problem.  
  
Perhaps it was the horrifying dream, or her immense anger towards Chakotay, but Kathryn had galvanized herself into her task before she fell asleep that night.  
  
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Kathryn Janeway walked down the halls of Voyager in her silky, pink nightdress, passing by crew members and waving cordially, a smile plastered all too obviously on her face. She happened by B'Elanna, the young half- Klingon's stomach swollen with child. She stopped to place a lingering hand on B'Elanna's stomach, feeling the child growing within. B'Elanna looked on coldly, unabashed by her Captain's apparent interest. Even the child seemed to will Kathryn away with a forceful kick from within it's mother .  
  
Kathryn woke with a barely contained scream, sweating and cold. She blew her hair out of her face and fell back onto her pillows, panting with fear.  
  
She couldn't go on like this. She would have to beam directly down to the planet in the morning, and see what she couldn't do to solve the problem once and for all.  
  
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After a sonic shower, Kathryn Janeway beamed herself down to Terwaria from the platform in transporter-room one. She materialized in a busy market square, swarming with brightly dressed people. They looked human, except for the strange blue colour of their hair, and the folds of skin on their noses that slightly resembled the Bajoran ridge. As one person passed her, she noticed also the small blue dots that carried down the throat of the Terwari.  
  
"Human enough," she murmured to herself approvingly.  
  
Kathryn spent the rest of the morning browsing through clothing stores. She purchased one dress and two brightly coloured scarves that seemed to be popularly worn, tied around the waist. Finally, she bought a small hairpiece from a different shop. The storekeeper there was an older woman with a matronly bosom. She insisted Kathryn try at least one of the pieces on, and Kathryn had fallen in love with a beautiful silver clasp, inlaid with shining blue stones.  
  
Satisfied with her new wardrobe, Kathryn headed down the street lined with shining buildings towards her hotel.  
  
It was a large building with soaring buttresses and distinguishing columns that were inlaid with silver work and more jewels, reminding her of her hairpiece. Kathryn approached the door and a blue-haired attendant smiled and opened it for her. She entered the lavished foyer and approached the front desk. A tall, distinguished looking man stood behind the shining, marble counter.  
  
Kathryn smiled and he returned her smile warmly. "I have a room reserved, under the name 'Polly Tomson,'" she said as she leaned casually against the counter.  
  
He quickly scanned through the elaborate checking system of the hotel, and confirmed her reservation. "Yes, here it is, Polly Tomson. You reserved a large suite, whirl-tub and king bed?"  
  
"That's me," she chuckled. "I'm in for a week of spoiling myself!"  
  
"Indeed," he smiled again, his dark eyes shining. "You seem to deserve it."  
  
Kathryn liked this man more and more. "Yes. I've had a very stressful month. I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time in your beautiful hotel."  
  
"Well," he began as he handed her the room key, a small, silver card with no text or markings on it. "My name is Monter Servalius. If you have any questions about this hotel, or if you require information on the surrounding locations, please, do not hesitate to contact me."  
  
"Thank-you. You've been very hospitable. What floor is my room on?"  
  
"When you enter the turbo-lift, scan your key into the computer, and the lift will take you directly to your room."  
  
"Ah- a smart lift! I love it!" Kathryn laughed.  
  
"Yes, a smart lift. Enjoy your stay Monteria Tomson." The alien smiled at her and then disappeared behind the counter. Kathryn walked towards the lift, still smiling. Perhaps he would be the one. As the 'smart lift,' as Kathryn would now call it, deposited her in her room, she took in the lovely surroundings breathlessly.  
  
A fountain- a gigantic, soft bed covered in mounds of white blankets and overstuffed pillows- it was to die for. Kathryn- now just Kathryn, not Captain- launched herself onto the bed and lost herself in the bedding, giggling like a child. Then, suddenly, the whirl-pool called silently to her. Struggling, Kathryn crawled off of the bed and made her way into the bathroom- if that's what you could call it. It was really more like a bath- hall.  
  
With a barely contained squeal of delight, Kathryn took off her clothing and turned the tub on, which filled with hot, churning water almost instantly. She jumped in, settling down until the water lapped lazily against her chin. She sighed, and felt the tension in her muscles wash away as the bubbles and jets caressed her aching back and shoulders.  
  
After what seemed like hours in the tub, Kathryn emerged, wrinkled but happy. She wrapped herself in the customary robe that was provided for her and sat out on her patio to 'air dry' while she took in the sights of the glorious capital city of Terwari. The rounded buildings shone like gleaming jewels in the red light of dusk, and delicious scents drifted up to Kathryn from below her.  
  
"It must be a restaurant," she murmured to herself. As if on cue, her stomach let out an animalistic growl, and she had to laugh, despite herself. "Guess that means you and me need to go and get some grub," she said as she patted her grumbling stomach.  
  
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Several minutes later, Kathryn stood in the hotel lobby in her civilian clothing. She had to admit to herself that she looked good in the long, flowing dress made of many-coloured silks and ribbons, and the scarves tied around her waist accentuated her figure, which was kept in shape by the holo-exercise programs that she ran constantly in her spare time to keep herself occupied and distracted from her own troubles.  
  
She had clasped her long hair loosely behind her head with her new hair clip and the flyaway wisps created a copper halo around her auburn head, that shone in the bright spot-lighting of the foyer. She felt like a woman again, and not some stuffy, scratchy, stiff Captain- who was nothing more than a sexless figurehead that everyone admired but no one loved. Cold, crusty Captain. But that was now changed.  
  
Kathryn was brought out of her reverie when she felt a light touch on her shoulder. She looked quickly up to find the charming face of Monter Servalius. He was wearing civilian clothing instead of his crisp suit from the manager desk. "Hello," she said softly.  
  
"Good evening Monteria Tomson. How are you enjoying your stay thus far in our hotel?" His words were innocent, but his voice was laden with something else-  
  
"Wonderful. I just spent the last hour soaking in one of your wonderful whirl-tubs, as you call them." Kathryn smiled and turned her head shyly away from the manager of the hotel. Very slowly, she moved to leave, and Monter Servalius gently caught her arm. "Yes?" she queried in a low voice.  
  
"I was wondering, Monteria Tomson, if it would be appropriate for me to accompany you to dinner?" His manners were also impeccable.  
  
Kathryn paused, as if considering his option carefully. Really, she was thinking of the most seductive way to tell him, that yes, it would be very appropriate for him to accompany her to dinner. "If you would like to, Monter Servalius- I doubt that I could stop you." She turned from him again, but gestured to him with her hand as she swished casually away. He eagerly took her hand in his and linked arms with her, escorting her from the hotel.  
  
He took her to a lovely restaurant on the harbour, and they sat in a booth together, laughing and talking, and barely eating the expensive food that lay before them begging to be eaten, but being hopelessly ignored.  
  
His name was Alec Servalius, as Kathryn soon found out, and she was burning to tell him her own name, but thought better of it. She must remain behind the façade of Polly Tomson if she was to get through this self-arranged 'ordeal' without breaking her own heart. After several glasses each of the rich, fruity wine that Alec had ordered for them, Kathryn was feeling typically euphoric. She wasn't much of a drinker, despite her heritage, and though Alec was compelling intellectually, she found herself losing his words and concentrating on his face, and just what she would do to him when she took him that night.  
  
"I've been on that godforsaken Starship too long," she silently chastised herself as she tried once again to concentrate on what he was saying. It wasn't working. It wasn't working at all.  
  
"Kathryn?" he prompted her, smiling as she became aware that he had addressed her.  
  
"Hmm- oh- what was it you said, Alec?" she smiled sheepishly and he took her hand in his own. "I'm sorry- I'm distracted."  
  
"A yes, the scenery is beautiful here. I forget sometimes that visitors here are taken so by it. It has become commonplace to observe such beauty here."  
  
"That's awfully narcissistic, Alec," murmured Kathryn gently. Alec looked puzzled by her soft scolding. "I was distracted by you," she clarified.  
  
Alec understood that quite well. "Waiter," he called hoarsely. "Check- please!"  
  
Kathryn chuckled throatily and caressed Alec's leg with her bare foot that she had slipped out of the dress shoes. He gave her a startled look, but it was a happy look as well.  
  
"Damn, I'm good," thought Kathryn as they left the restaurant quickly and headed towards the hotel. 


	4. Thank You

Chapter 4  
  
But they did not go to the hotel. Alec, as manager of the hotel found it- prudent- not to engage in sexual activity in the building in which he worked with a guest of the hotel, for sexual activity was exactly what they would be engaging in, and soon. Instead, Alec took Kathryn back to his apartment, which was not but a five minute walk from their restaurant, and as the restaurant did, the apartment overlooked the beautiful, shining waters of the harbour.  
  
Alec led Kathryn into his living room and she gazed out over the water through the large, glass window that occupied nearly an entire wall.  
  
"Would you like anything to drink, Polly?" he asked as he casually removed his jacket and draped it over one of the plush armchairs.  
  
"I think we've both had enough to drink, don't you?" Kathryn said suggestively as she lay down on the couch and put her hands behind her head, thrusting her breasts out appealingly.  
  
"Ah- and what would you rather do?" he said teasingly, fully knowing what she was after. He said down at her feet and lifted them into his lap, rubbing them slowly.  
  
Kathryn groaned in response as she felt his strong fingers caress her aching feet with the greatest gentleness. This man was rubbing her feet, and she was aroused! Think what would happen if he were to, say- travel a little further upwards.  
  
"I'll give you a hint," she said a little breathlessly. "It has nothing to do with my feet."  
  
"Hmm," began Alec in mock confusion as a small frown creased his forehead. "Not your feet? Well, perhaps I'll go someplace else." Alec stood and moved to Kathryn's shoulders, massaging them powerfully. "Am I closer now?"  
  
'Maddening man!' Kathryn thought to herself giddily. "Getting warmer," she said.  
  
Alec looked down the full length of Kathryn as he deepened the massage, working all of the kinks out of her muscles. He looked over the curves of her breasts and noticed two peeks persistently rising under the cloth that was stretched tightly over them. It was obvious where she wanted him to be now.  
  
Suddenly, he slipped his hands down to her breasts and she gasped in surprise and satisfaction. He rubbed her aching nipples through the light fabric and the friction was maddening.  
  
Kathryn groaned again. "Oh- harder, please- you're torturing me-"  
  
Alec complied willingly and nuzzled his face into the crook in her neck as he did so, placing burning kisses along her throat and behind her ear. And suddenly he needed to be on top of her. He circled quickly to the side of the couch and pulled her down onto the soft carpet, rolling until he straddled her legs. Kathryn smiled crookedly at his obvious need and unbuttoned her dress and pulled it down, before he could tear it off of her.  
  
Alec gazed appreciatively down at her creamy, white breasts and taught, husky nipples. She reached up to his head and pulled him down to her. She traced his face with her mouth and tongue, nipping at him occasionally. She reached the corner of his mouth, but he muttered something.  
  
"Not there, Polly. It is improper in my customs to kiss one on the mouth before marriage." His voice was soft, and Kathryn did not feel in the least bit chastised. Instead, she pulled his head down to her breast and he latched onto her quickly, circling her pebbling nipple with gently sweeping strokes of his tongue. She tasted sweet, like a wild flower about to blossom. He would see her flourish before the end of the night.  
  
Now, hopelessly aroused, Kathryn pressed his head to her harder, and he suckled her harder in return, grazing her peak with his teeth and taking as much of her as he could into his mouth while rubbing his rough thumb over her other breast hungrily, relishing at the small gasps and whimpers emitting from her mouth.  
  
Slowly, so slowly, he moved down the length of her, taking her dress with him as he went. Kathryn lifted her hips to allow Alec to pull the dress off of her completely.  
  
Kathryn giggled. She couldn't help it.  
  
"What's funny?" asked Alec as she continued to laugh at him.  
  
"You've just- just got too many clothes on!" she burst out boldly. She pushed herself up and began to remove his pants. Alec didn't seem to mind, for some strange reason. In fact, he seemed rather glad that the restricting fabric was removed.  
  
And suddenly- Kathryn didn't know how it had happened so fast- he was inside her, thrusting deeper and deeper until Kathryn felt she could almost taste him. It had been so long since she had last been with a man- so very, very long. And it felt good.  
  
"Oh- Alec, you're so- oh please- harder." Kathryn whimpered the words unintelligibly as she keened towards her climax. Alec gripped her breasts and fondled them hungrily. She arched towards his touch- she craved it. Her hands strayed to his testicles, which she cupped tightly and massaged, feeling him grow ever larger inside her. His thrust became more sporadic with each swirl of her hips, and soon, they came together, screaming incoherent words as they crashed down over their orgasms.  
  
Spent, Alec fell beside Kathryn, his leg still draped protectively over her and his long sex still half lodged inside her. He rested his head on her breasts and she stroked his hair lightly. He only noticed something was wrong when he felt her shaking underneath him.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked in alarm, as he sat up quickly and gazed down at Kathryn's flushed face, which was now streaked with salty tears.  
  
"I- there's nothing-" she floundered hopelessly. How could she tell him that she regretted making love to him, even when their wetness was still evident between her legs.  
  
"Kath-" he began, but then stopped himself.  
  
"You DID call me Kathryn in the restaurant!" she exclaimed accusingly. "How on earth do you know my name- it's not- oh my God-" another horrible thought occurred to her. What if it was Chakotay, simply disguised as one of the aliens.  
  
"No- no, nothing like that," Alec assured her. "I- our race is telepathic, Kathryn." He said this in an ashamed sort of way, as though he was a small child that had picked a forbidden flower from the garden.  
  
"You knew- you knew the entire time that I was just using you to- to have a baby! Oh Alec," she cried as she scrambled away from her lover and wrapped herself in her dress. "You must think I'm disgusting, just a common whore. I'm so ashamed of myself. I think I'd better leave right now!"  
  
Kathryn clambered into her dress and made a pathetic attempt to tame her hair back into the clasp. She dropped it several times, giving Alec time to stand up and go to her.  
  
"If I'd thought that of you," he began softly, "I never would have approached you, Kathryn. I sensed that you had a purpose when you approached the desk this morning, and I could tell why you were so intent on having intercourse with one of our species."  
  
Kathryn wore a shocked expression on her face.  
  
"I was not reading you mind, Kathryn," Alec remedied. "You were projecting your thoughts so passionately, it is likely that nearly everyone in the room heard you."  
  
"You're not making m-me feel any b-better, Alec," she sniffed as she managed a weak smile.  
  
"Sorry," he smiled as he gathered her into his arms. "I've been sensing your thoughts all night. I know about Chakotay, and I know that you are the Captain of the large Starship that is orbiting this planet as we speak. And I know the restrictions placed upon you concerning any fraternization between you and your crew. It is a lonely occupation, Kathryn, and I thought your seek of a mate here, even if only for one night was rather noble. I was honoured that you planned to have me as that mate."  
  
Kathryn crumbled again in his arms and a violent sob wracked her body. "I just- oh I've been having such horrible nightmares. I keep having miscarriages in the dream, and it's so painful. No one will help me. I thought that- if I had a child- I thought that the dreams were a signal, telling me that my body was getting too old. I'm so far from home- Alec-"  
  
"Shh, I know," he soothed as he rubbed her back gently. "I know. You want a baby of your own. I understand, Kathryn. I think that you need a child to fulfil yourself, and at the very least, ward off the loneliness that seems to be suffocating you."  
  
Alec held the shaking woman for a moment longer until her sobs slowed. He then sat her down on the couch and covered her with a blanket.  
  
"Would you like anything to drink?" he asked, as he had when they had first entered the room. Kathryn didn't feel seductive anymore. She wanted coffee- and she wanted lots of it.  
  
"Coffee, please," she said gratefully as she pulled the blanket up to her chin and closed her eyes slightly. They burned from her crying fit and now she regretted letting herself decay into hysterics. But hell, she'd needed it.  
  
Alec handed Kathryn her coffee and sat on the chair opposite the couch. He still wasn't wearing anything, and noticing Kathryn's new discomfort at his nakedness, he quickly slipped his pants and shirt on.  
  
"Thanks," Kathryn whispered, and Alec was not sure if she was thankful for the coffee, or for his now unexposed skin.  
  
"You're welcome," was all he said.  
  
They sat in an almost companionable silence as Kathryn sipped calmingly at her coffee and recounted the events of the last hour. She was a lucky woman, to have found Alec. Now all she had to hope for was that she was pregnant, with his child, and that she would never have to go through this betraying act again.  
  
Kathryn was soon finished her coffee, and she was significantly calmer now.  
  
"I need to go now Alec- but before I leave, I want you to know that I'll never forget what you've done for me. It was the single most unselfish act anyone has ever performed for me, and I owe everything to you now."  
  
Alec was overwhelmed by her gratitude. "I only have one request of you, Kathryn," he began.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Send me a picture of our daughter."  
  
Kathryn was speechless again. "How do you-"  
  
Alec tapped his forehead knowingly.  
  
"You mean-" Kathryn gasped, and her hands went immediately to her stomach, as if she could feel the only hour-old child within her. She ran to him then, and he swept her into an embrace. "Oh Alec!" she laughed as new tears coursed down her cheeks.  
  
"Thank-you, oh thank-you!"  
  
Kathryn practically skipped out of Alec's apartment after placing one very scandalous kiss on his unsuspecting mouth.  
  
All Alec could do was shake his head in amusement at the woman who's life he had just saved. 


	5. The Proverbial Cat Is Out Of The Bag

Chapter 5  
  
Kathryn rematerialized on the transporter platform almost two hours after her encounter with Alec. She'd had gone back to her hotel (it was then eleven) and had checked hurriedly out, claiming that there was a 'family emergency' that she needed to attend to.  
  
And now, as she moved off of the platform, she was dressed in her scratchy Captain's uniform and her hair was wrapped mercilessly in one hell of a steel bun. The only thing out of place, that the nameless Ensign noticed, was the smile on her Captain's face and the restoration of light to her eyes.  
  
"At ease, Ensign Smith," smiled Kathryn as she approached the transporter console. "Have you been down to the planet yet?"  
  
"No Ma'am," replied the Ensign smartly. Erin Smith had had so few encounters with the Captain that she could recall each one of them vividly, and to Erin, Janeway was a formidable Captain, a fearless leader and a compassionate person- but still, a Captain that did not associate herself with lowly, nameless Ensigns. "I don't get off my shift for another hour."  
  
Janeway puzzled for a moment, but just a moment. "You're relieved, Erin. Go and have some fun and get off this space-boat we all like to call home!"  
  
Erin stood bewildered for a moment. Kathryn grinned a full, crooked, could- only-be-Kathryn grin. The smile lit up her face and made her look a full ten years younger.  
  
"Yes Ma'am!" laughed Erin enthusiastically as she ran from her station, only to come to a screaming halt before the doors that led out of transporter room one. She turned impulsively to face her Captain. "Are you sure I can really go?" Erin asked one last time.  
  
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" laughed Janeway as she gazed at the very young Ensign. "Now scoot! That's an order!"  
  
Erin bounded, laughing from the transporter room. No one have ever ordered her to 'scoot' before!  
  
Kathryn stood there by herself and felt tears of mirth trickling down her cheeks.  
  
She left them there as she headed off to her quarters. These tears she would wear like a badge of honour.  
  
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Kathryn, after spending the rest of her shore leave aboard the ship, decided finally to go to sickbay, and have her pregnancy confirmed by something a little more scientific than a telepathic. She now stood just adjacent to the sickbay doors, working up courage to go inside. Now that her little escapade was over and done with, and Alec had proclaimed that she was indeed pregnant, the post-crisis worries began to settle in, giving Kathryn an awful headache.  
  
What if the crew didn't accept her pregnancy?  
  
What if she couldn't handle her command?  
  
What if Chakotay refused to help her run the ship now that she was pregnant with an alien's child?  
  
The 'what-ifs' plagued Kathryn again and again as she stood outside those doors, those seemingly safe, but oh so ominously hovering doors. Finally, Kathryn figured that she was just being ridiculous and she headed into sickbay. She was the Captain after all. She could have a baby if she damn well wanted to!  
  
"Computer," she barked with undue harshness brought on by nerves, "activate Emergency Medical Hologram."  
  
The Doctor shimmered photonically into existence, stating his usual, programmed request.  
  
"Please state the nature of the medical- hello Captain!" He didn't quite managed the involuntary query before he found out who had activated him. "What can I do for you today?" The Doctor was his usual cheerful self and his demeanour subdued Kathryn quickly. That didn't mean that she was at all ready to answer his question, though.  
  
"I- um- when I was down-" Kathryn cleared her throat. "When - I - was - OH HELL!" she said finally in exasperation. "WHEN I WAS DOWN ON THE PLANET I HAD INTERCOURSE WITH AN ALIEN AND I THINK THAT I COULD BE PREGNANT!" She hadn't meant to yell, or to say it so quickly, but it had been the only way to tell the Doctor what she must at that moment in time.  
  
The Doctor 'harrumphed' and then smiled at her. "I guess that means you've made use of your I.S.R. Certificate. I thought I noticed an extra little twinkle in your eyes!"  
  
"Doctor," Janeway said warningly.  
  
"Sorry Captain," he said in resignation, and he was soon all business again, as though he'd never hinted that the reasoning behind her happiness was the fact that she had 'gotten some' down on the surface of Terwaria. "Please sit down on a bio-bed. I will perform a scan to see if you are pregnant, as you believe yourself to be."  
  
The Doctor began scanning Kathryn with a medical tri-corder. "Is there any particular reason you were unprotected during this sexual encounter, Captain?"  
  
Kathryn blushed deeply, and felt tears well up in her eyes. "I- want a baby," she found herself whispering. The Doctor abruptly ceased his scans and looked piercingly into her eyes.  
  
"You do?" he asked, somewhat surprised.  
  
"Yes, very much. You may not realise this Doctor, but I am lonely, and I'm getting older. I don't have anyone here- I can't, protocol won't allow it. I just- I need someone to love."  
  
The Doctor nodded sympathetically and placed a solacing hand on Kathryn's shoulder.  
  
"And you have," the Doctor confirmed happily.  
  
Kathryn's tears coursed down her cheeks anew. She was ecstatic and frightened and in an instant, she threw herself into the holographic body of the Doctor and clung to him, laughing and sobbing uncontrollably. The Doctor patted his hysterical Captain's back soothingly and assured her that everything would be all right. It was all very awkward for him, and as soon as Kathryn realised what she was doing, she pulled away.  
  
"Sorry about that," she started as she either laughed or sobbed- the Doctor wasn't sure anymore what exactly Kathryn Janeway was doing. "I'm just so happy- and terrified."  
  
"It's understandable. Parenthood is a trying thing- but be assured Captain. You're crew does love you and they will help you through all of this. You'll be fine, and Voyager will have something new to celebrate!"  
  
Kathryn smiled at the Doctor. Although he was a hologram, he was so real to her and the rest of the crew that Kathryn felt herself relax as an old friend comforted her.  
  
"Thank you Doctor," said Kathryn genuinely. "And I'd like you to keep this to yourself for the time being. I have to think of the most diplomatic and gentle way to tell the crew about this."  
  
"As you wish Captain. Please report to sickbay tomorrow and I'll provide you with a dietary plan, exercise routine and a-"  
  
"Why don't you finish telling me about it tomorrow Doctor?" smiled Kathryn. She was tired and now she had the new problem of how to break the news to her crew.  
  
"Why, yes, of course," replied the Doctor, indignant as always to have one of his soliloquies cut short.  
  
As Kathryn left sickbay, she heard the Doctor call from behind her. She whirled around just in time to hear him say, "And NO MORE COFFEE!"  
  
Kathryn cringed, and then smiled. For her baby, she would give up the world, her life in it's entirety, and most sacrificially, coffee.  
  
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Kathryn one week later sat in her ready-room, nursing a cup of steaming herbal tea and brooding silently. There was no mistaking it. She had to tell her crew- but how? She was sure that Chakotay would be either heartbroken, or furious with her- or possibly both at the same time.  
  
The chime sounded and Kathryn was brought out of her painful reverie.  
  
"Come."  
  
The doors swished open to admit a much smaller figure than Kathryn had originally expected.  
  
"Hello Naomi," said Kathryn warmly as she patted a spot beside her on the couch, "why don't you come and sit down by me."  
  
Naomi was pleasantly surprised. It was a rare and special occasion indeed when the Captain had a moment to spend with her.  
  
"Okay," she said as she skipped over to the couch and plopped down beside the Captain. Kathryn smiled again, but it was tinted with angst and pain. Naomi was an intelligent girl and she knew that the Captain was obviously keeping something from her, pretending that she was all right when she was sad. Naomi did this sometimes too. And Naomi, with her six year old logic knew that when she was upset, she liked to be hugged. Yes- hugs were good.  
  
Naomi wrapped her tiny arms around Kathryn's waist and Kathryn gasped in surprise.  
  
The little girl couldn't possibly know, could she? Kathryn figured that she was probably being silly, and that maybe Naomi just wanted some attention. She hugged the small girl back, and feeling very wee-whoppy and maternal, she stroked the little girl's long red hair.  
  
"Are you sad, Captain?" asked Naomi curiously.  
  
"Oh, a little," said Kathryn softly. "But I'll be all right Naomi."  
  
Naomi, her curiosity satiated climbed further onto the Captain's lap and snuggled down against Kathryn, sighing happily. "I thought you looked sad, so I thought you might just like a little hug. I'm glad you're going to be okay- I don't like it when people are sad."  
  
Kathryn smiled and rested her cheek against the child's silky hair that still smelled like flowers and strawberries from her bath. It was soothing, to hold the little girl and snuggle her and Kathryn suddenly knew that she would simply tell her crew that she was going to have a baby- and she was going to start with her personal assistant.  
  
"Naomi- can I tell you a secret?" asked Kathryn softly.  
  
"Really? A secret! Ya- tell me Captain, please please please?!" Naomi said excitedly as she arranged herself on the Captain's lap so she looked into the woman's blue, shining eyes.  
  
"Alright, alright," Kathryn laughed. "But you have to promise that you won't tell anyone until I say it's okay."  
  
Naomi nodded vigorously, her eyes gleaming in gleeful anticipation.  
  
"Okay then kiddo-" said Kathryn, pausing. Naomi squirmed on her lap and Kathryn had to laugh. "I'm going to have a baby!"  
  
Naomi fell silent. "Really?!"  
  
"Really, sweetie. In nine months, I'll have a little girl."  
  
Naomi contemplated this for a moment. "I guess that's really good!" she exclaimed finally.  
  
Kathryn smiled and pulled Naomi close to her again so the little girl's head rested on her shoulder. "Yes," she said. "It's really good." 


	6. Terror Strikes Again

Chapter 6  
  
Naomi Wildman had left her Captain's ready-room glowing with pride that the Captain had trusted her with such a big and important secret.  
  
Kathryn had to laugh once the small girl had left her- it was too funny how seriously little Naomi took her responsibility to the Captain. At any rate, Kathryn knew that she could trust the small girl to keep her secret until, well, whenever she as the Captain found enough nerve to tell the rest of her crew.  
  
Kathryn reasoned that Chakotay really should be the first to know, after her little assistant that is. She admitted to herself grudgingly that yes, she did in fact love him, but could not under any circumstances allow herself to 'fall' in love with him. She had, of course, already reinstated him to duty after returning from the shore leave, but she had not apologized, nor had she given him any clue as to why she had relieved him in the first place, other than to inform him that he was 'out of line.'  
  
"Janeway to Chakotay," she said finally, feeling nervous flutters attack her stomach at the prospect of finally telling him.  
  
"Chakotay here," he said a little breathlessly as Kathryn heard a giggle from somewhere on the other end of the comm. link. At least Chakotay was having fun. She didn't blame Chakotay. She had made it clear that she could never give him what he wanted, although she loved him dearly. But still, this recent event felt like another betrayal, mirroring her own with Alec, and this only galvanized Kathryn to her task further.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt your break from shift Commander," she began with the utmost level of dignity, well practiced and convincing, "but I have an important ship matter to present to you. Would it be possible for you to attend dinner in my quarters so we may discuss it?"  
  
"Yes, of course." Chakotay sounded guilty and just a little uncomfortable at being caught 'frolicking' by the woman he loved above all else.  
  
"Good," she replied curtly. "Janeway out."  
  
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And so it was that later that 'evening,' as the simulated dark on the ship allowed, that Kathryn was moving purposefully around her small table arranging the replicated food that she would share with Chakotay that evening as she told him that she was going to have a child. She wore civvies, a simple white shirt and a long, blue skirt that flowed around her legs as she swished around her quarters. Her hair was worn simply, clasped ironically with the clip she had aqquired on Terwaria, and auburn wisps floated down over her shoulders and softly framed her face, which wore only a small amount of make-up and light, clear lip-gloss.  
  
Just as she finished arranging dinner, her door chimed.  
  
"Come in," she said as she nervously smoothed her skirt and brushed a hair from her eyes.  
  
The doors whooshed open to admit Chakotay, who, thoughtfully had a bottle of wine in hand. He was in his civvies too- a pair of charcoal slacks and a deep red dress shirt. Kathryn was certainly captivated by his appearance, but she had no idea what she was doing to him. Chakotay was terribly aroused by what he saw, and he quickly forgot the Delaney sister that he had been pleasuring earlier on when Kathryn had called him to invite him to dinner with her.  
  
"Good evening, Kathryn," he said as he swaggered over and handed her the bottle of wine.  
  
She smiled and took it from him. "Thank you, Chakotay. Please, sit down." She gestured to a chair, which he obediently occupied and she moved slowly around the table to sit opposite him.  
  
Their dinner progressed, and after Kathryn had watched Chakotay drink two glasses of the wine he had brought, she deemed him sufficiently- sedated. Hell- it must have been more than two. Chakotay was definitely drunk.  
  
"I have something to tell you," she said, simply out of the blue.  
  
"What's that Kathryn?" he slurred at her.  
  
"I'm pregnant," she said, a little coldly even. She had practiced it over and over again, and knew that she sounded perfectly calm and collected.  
  
Chakotay frowned at her and then slowly, stood and came around the table to her. At first, she thought he was going to kiss her, by the hungry look in his eyes.  
  
Instead, he brought a huge arm into the air and smacked her soundly across the face. Her vision danced with glittering stars and she tasted blood in her mouth. Tears leaked unbidden out of her eyes and rolled down her face in stormy torrents.  
  
"Whore!" he screamed as he hit her again, sending her sprawling onto the floor. She cowered away from him, trying to shield her stomach, but she couldn't protect herself against his hard-booted foot that came crashing into her abdomen. She shrieked in agony as she felt- what?  
  
"No," she moaned as the blood gushed between her legs. She was miscarrying. How could this be happening?  
  
When Chakotay saw the blood pool on the floor beneath her, he smiled- his teeth bared, his mouth twisted in a cruel grimace. "Geese, Kathryn," he began scathingly, "looks like you'll be having that baby a little sooner than you planned, huh?"  
  
And then he left her, writing on the floor in bitter agony as she felt her three-week old child surge down her thighs and onto the cold, harsh carpet that was always so clean, so Starfleet.  
  
Then, Janeway sighed exasperatingly. "Computer, end simulation."  
  
The quarters, the half finished dinner, and her blood all shimmered away and she was left, standing in the holodeck, alone. She donned her scratchy uniform with it's ironic band of red and it's dignifying pips and left the holodeck, wondering if there really was any such race as the Terwari, if she really would have seduced one of them. Grudgingly, she thought yes, she would have. 


	7. Not So Twisted After All

Chapter 7  
  
Kathryn awoke suddenly to the sound of her door chime. Confused, she realised that she had fallen asleep while waiting for Chakotay to show up for dinner. She almost cried with the relief of it all. It had been another nightmare- she hadn't really made her entire experience up into a holodeck simulation. She really was pregnant, and she was going to have her little girl. Still dressed in the blue skirt and white blouse, Kathryn tucked flyaway hairs back behind her ears.  
  
Then, she panicked. She hadn't replicated dinner, the table wasn't set, and Chakotay was standing ever patiently in the hallway.  
  
The chime sounded again.  
  
"I'm coming, Chakotay," she assured him as she ran to the doors and greeted him as they whooshed open.  
  
Chakotay, smiling came into the room and handed her not a bottle of wine, but a single red rose. She was taken with him. He wore a casual suite, grey and blue, and his hair was combed back, softening his often military appearance.  
  
Chakotay was equally bewildered. He wasn't aroused by what he saw- he certainly owed his Captain and best friend more than simple lust- no, he was simply taken by her soft and gentle mien and her smile, which expressed such unveiled happiness that he could not help but become enchanted with her all over again.  
  
Without dinner on the table- without even a candle lit, Kathryn brought Chakotay over to her couch and sat him down. It really was better than having him fall over, she though ruefully.  
  
"Chakotay- I have something that I need to tell you." She was reluctant to divulge her secret, but knew that if she didn't do it now, Chakotay was bound to find out in another, more visual manner- namely her slowly enlarging stomach.  
  
"Yes Kathryn?" he sensed her hesitation, and he clasped her hand softly within his own.  
  
She took a deep breath. "I'm going to have a baby." She closed her eyes as soon as she'd said it so she couldn't see the pain flicker across his darkening features.  
  
"How-" he stammered, "with whom?" He could not believe it. She had rejected him for six and a half years- who the hell had she suddenly taken such an interest in?  
  
"Commander," she said, hardening, "I don't really believe that's any of your business- but, will tell you this. It was with one of the Terwari, and the only reason I had relations with the man was because I wanted to get pregnant. I need this baby, Chakotay, more than anything in my life- I need her."  
  
Chakotay's angry retorts caught in his throat as he saw the pain in her features and in her deep, usually composed voice. Her glorious blue eyes pleaded to him- for what? Approval? Forgiveness?  
  
He didn't know. He knew only that he could not be angry with her, this beautiful, enchanting, compassionate woman.  
  
"Kathryn-" he began, "that's wonderful. I'm happy for you." It wasn't much, but it was all he could manage at the moment. He knew he had no right to feel betrayed, especially after his recent frisking of a Delaney sister.  
  
Kathryn was overcome. He understood. He didn't hate her.  
  
Her lip began to tremble and she tried fiercely to regain control. Chakotay, ever the angry warrior, looked at Kathryn as the tears began to spill down her cheeks. "Come here," he said softly, and it was enough. Kathryn retreated gratefully into his arms and cried there.  
  
When after a few minutes she regained her composure, she still remained in his arms, revelling in the safety they provided her.  
  
"Oh Chakotay," she said softly. "Are you angry with me?"  
  
Her question startled him, but as always, he felt that he owed her the truth. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little angry- but more than anything, I suppose I'm just jealous." There- he'd said it. Now she could chastise him about protocols and pull herself out of his arms and morph back from his wonderful Kathryn into the untouchable Captain. But she didn't.  
  
"I am sorry that it couldn't have been you, Chakotay. You've no idea how sorry. But that would mean compromising my ability to act on the bridge, with you so close to me. I-"  
  
"No Kathryn," said Chakotay, "you're right. And I know that if you could, you would have chosen me but- well. This is just the way things had to be done. Just- just tell me that he was good to you, and I'll leave it at that."  
  
"He was very good to me, Chakotay. Apparently," she said, laughing a little, "the Terwari are telepathic and he knew the whole time what I was after. He let me seduce him, and take him- and the whole time he knew that I wasn't really interested in him, rather in what he could give me." Kathryn silenced for a moment and Chakotay wondered if perhaps she was going to cry again. He tightened his hold on her.  
  
Kathryn giggled a little. "Not too tight, love. I still need to breath!"  
  
Chakotay gasped at the term of endearment. He lessened his hold on her and she nuzzled back down against his strong chest to listen to his heart beat. "Just hold me a little while, Chakotay- hold us until I have to be Captain again."  
  
Chakotay did as she bid and stroked her back in tender circles, resting his other hand on her stomach where he silently blessed the child within her.  
  
Hold us, she'd said.  
  
Hold us.  
  
(an: sorry about that little twist in the last chapter, guys. I just like to see you squirm!!! Hee hee hee. ^^ PoL) 


	8. The Senior Officers are Informed

Chapter 8

Several days later, Captain Janeway assembled her senior officers in the briefing room. By her brisk manner and nervous appearance, all expected the worst, save Chakotay, who knew what it was- and then, of course, steadfast Mr. Tuvok who was not outwardly perturbed by Janeway's timorous stature. 

As the tardy yet jubilant Tom Paris took his seat, and Chakotay shot him a daggered glare, the Captain began. 

"As you all know, we've just left Terwari space-" she began, wringing her hands behind her back, "and we all had a wonderful shore leave. Thankfully, the Terwari were able to completely replenish our stores of deuterium and as well offer us some fresh stores for Neelix's pantry." She smiled fleetingly at the Talaxian who was looking more puffed up than usual. He looked as though he was about to say something- but shockingly, Janeway raised her hand for silence. 

The senior officers exchanged startled glances, but never left their captain's eyes for more than a second. 

Harry Kim looked especially concerned- but then, that was just Harry. 

"I have one more newly acquired- ah- _commodity_." Fleetingly and silently, Janeway apologized to her baby for calling it a commodity. Perhaps she would have to consider it as a name.

More restless looks were passed between friends as the captain paused and passed a hand over her face, as if perhaps trying to place a mask of courage there. As she spoke again, the mask seemed to have crumbled.

"Well-" she said shakily, "I suppose this is going to come as a great shock to all of you, but-" she faltered under the trusting gaze of her officers, "well, I don't want any of you to be angry with me-"

"Spit it _out_ Captain!" said Tom, obviously not caring that he was committing insubordination in the process, so great was his nosiness. 

Janeway gave a withering sigh in the Conn. Officer's general direction. "Tom- kindly keep your comments to yourself." Somehow, Tom managed to look ashamed of himself. She would have to congratulate him on his sincere efforts at insincerity later. 

And then something surprised them all. Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct 1 of Unimatrix Zero spoke. 

"I believe that Lieutenant Paris holds some reason, Captain," she stated blandly.

"I do?" asked Tom incredulously. 

"Indeed," concurred Seven of Nine. "Perhaps it would be more efficient for you to communicate your…_news _ if you simply" she paused, "…told us."

Kathryn laughed. She couldn't help it. Seven was just so innocently hilarious sometimes and this particular instance tickled her- even _pink_ perhaps.  Kathryn collapsed into her fancy chair in a fit of helpless giggles. 

"Hoo boy," whistled Tom under his breath, "she's lost it."

"_Tom_," hissed Harry warningly, kicking Tom under the table. 

"Hey!" exclaimed Tom as Harry's shiny black boot connected with his shin. However, Tuvok silenced the officers with an unimpressed stare that seemed to be directed _directly_ through both of them, right through to the grey wall behind.

When finally the Captain collected herself, Seven took the giggle-less opportunity and spoke again. "Am I incorrect in my assumption, Captain?" queried Seven, almost curiously.

"No, no," Janeway said, "You're perfectly right, of course. Well, here it is," she paused and placed her hands across her stomach. "I'm going to have a baby."  

Tuvok rolled his eyes, obviously disapproving.  

Harry looked marginally scandalized, although, that might have had something to do with the fact that he had a serious maternal attachment to Janeway. 

Tom giggled like a little girl, not being able to help himself. That _anyone_ had gotten in the Captain's pants was just _too_ hilarious for words. 

Seven stood, stoic as always. She was Borg, after all.  

Neelix seemed to be distracted. He was most likely coming up with new inventions of concoctions for better-than-baby-food substitute in his head. 

B'Elanna smiled commiseratingly as she looked at her own rotund stomach, patting it tenderly. 

Chakotay beamed stupidly. What else did you expect?

Janeway looked censoriously at the giggling Tom and Harry made a point of kicking him again. 

"_Would_ you cut that out!" Tom giggled, still at a loss for any seemly composure. 

Surprisingly, Seven was the first to approached the Captain. "I believe that congratulations are in order Captain Janeway. I am…happy for you." Then, Seven did what no one ever expected. She embraced the Captain warmly and smiled. Then she left the briefing room in search of her friend Naomi Wildman who would be missing her teacher. 

Kathryn surveyed the rest of her officers. "Well?" she smiled in mock expectation. She wondered who exactly was going to top Seven's warm display. 

Tom approached her next and gave her a chaste peck on the cheek. "So," he said slyly, "who's the lucky dog?"

Harry Kim gave up all hope and allowed his head to fall into the table. Kathryn smiled and then tried to put on her best death glare ever.

"You," she began as she poked him hard in the shoulder, "Are," she added, emphasising with another poke, "_Incorrigible_."  

"I try," said Tom, grinning impudently. He then followed Seven's suit- not her _cat_ suit however- but her suit of leaving, and left the room as well.  

B'Elanna move towards Janeway next. "Finally!" was all she said as she embraced Kathryn and then followed after her husband. 

Then it was Harry's turn. Poor, innocent, impressionable little Harry. As he gave her a hug, she resisted the urge to tell him not to be jealous of his new little sister. 

Finally, only Tuvok and Neelix remained to come forward. Neelix of course, would not be the last. 

"Well Captain," he stated jubilantly, "you'll have to let me baby-sit the little tyke. I've already thought up a _whole_ new menu for our little addition!" 

"_Our?_" Kathryn asked, but it was too late. Neelix had already bounded out of the room. 

Mr. Tuvok stood fast, as blandly as ever. 

"Well, Tuvok?" said Kathryn. This could be interesting. 

"Captain," he began logically, "I do not believe that your decision was wise. You will hardly be able to captain this vessel with a child that is constantly at your side."

"Tuvok," she said frankly as she approached the rigid Vulcan and patted him on the cheek, "Don't be a poop."     


	9. Michael the 2nd

Chapter 9

It was a month after Kathryn Janeway's initial confrontation with the senior staff that she showed up for her shift one hour late, looking terribly pale and dishevelled. Several of her crew  had noticed her state as she marched with a great deal of nauseous distaste to the bridge- and a few of them even stopped to ask her if she was alright. Kathryn decided that perhaps it was time to tell the rest of her crew. The only question was- how?

There were at least one hundred people to inform- and her usual option of spreading information, such as a ship-wide announcement over the comm. System was not an option. She approached B'Elanna with her problem later on in the afternoon. 

"I don't know how to tell them B'Elanna," Kathryn sighed over a cup of her damnable herbal tea in the messhall, which was empty save for the two women, and Neelix, who was puttering around behind the counter making some likely cancer-causing dish out of leola root. 

B'Elanna smiled. "If you don't tell them soon, Captain, they're going to find out one way or another. The young Klingon woman looked pointedly at her own curved stomach and patted it fondly. "Besides, you've got to be having morning sickness now," Kathryn nodded mournfully, "and the crew needs to know why you look so green or they'll start to think something's wrong with you."

Kathryn nodded, somewhat miserably and then sniffed at her tea. "This stuff smells, and tastes like boiled grass- what I wouldn't give for a good cup of coffee right now…"

But B'Elanna wasn't listening. "I have it!" she exclaimed suddenly. "Tom's organizing a party for the whole crew in a new holodeck program he's created in a few days- some obscure holiday or something- probably just wants to show it off…"

Kathryn looked pensive. "You might have something there B'Elanna. The crew will be relaxed, and all together. I'm only concerned about the usuals who don't attend- Tal Celes, that crewman down on deck fifteen who's name seems to constantly elude me…"

"They'll find out one way or another, Captain. You're looking for a personal way to convey this information to the rest of the crew, and I think that Tom's upcoming event is just the way to do it. What do you say- will you give it some thought?" B'Elanna regarded her captain with a worried expression, but Kathryn smiled. 

"I suppose it's the best thing to do, really- thanks for suggesting it B'Elanna. I likely would have waited for some ensign to ask me if I was gaining weight before I told the crew I'm pregnant." Kathryn laughed ruefully and downed the rest of her boiled grass with a disgusted look on her face. "I've got to go now. The Doctor had the nerve to put me on an exercise program – of all the…" 

"You too?" asked B'Elanna, looking disgusted. "If I hear that lousy holo-instructor tell me to squat one more time, I'll decompile him- after, of course, chopping of his holographic manhood!"

Kathryn blinked. "That bad?"

"You wouldn't believe it," said B'Elanna, shaking her head. 

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Kathryn walked into the holodeck with a towel thrown over her shoulder. She wore some spandex concoction that dreadfully showed her continually expanding stomach, and she was loath to walk through the halls of Voyager, displaying her girth for all to see- so she ran all the way there. 

"Computer," she puffed as she placed a hand to her stomach, "run program Pre-natal Exercise 1, Janeway Pi."

The computer complied with a short blip, and suddenly, Kathryn found herself in the familiar room that was designed, supposedly, to be soothing. Janeway, on the other hand found that the light green colour of the walls rather reminded her of vomit, and in her present condition of continually wanting to throw up all the time, that proved problematic.  

"Kathryn, darling," came the startling effeminate voice. Kathryn cringed. Chip. 

"Hello," she said shortly, re-lacing a running shoe that had _conveniently_ become undone_._ She tried fervently to take a long time, but one could only expend so much energy tying up one's laces. Kathryn looked up. 

It was a dreadful sight. 

_Horrors_ she thought. _Disgust_. 

And there stood Chip in all his flaming glory- all decked out in pink and white with a fuzzy yellow sweatband around his forehead that pushed his thin blond hair off of his face. 

The shame of it all was that Chip really wasn't a _bad_ looking guy. He was tall, incredibly buff- but the overlaying pink and fuzzy seemed to throw Kathryn off a bit. I'm sure you all understand why. 

"Are you ready for your workout Kitty?" drawled Chip dizzily. 

Kathryn scowled. _No one_ called her Kitty, and no had better ever do it again. "As a matter of fact," she stated frankly, "I'm not." 

Chip looked at her aghast. 

"Computer, pause program." said Kathryn, and Chip stopped in mid protest. "Access the Chip holo file and run visual and behavioural specs."

"Chip file running," stated the computer coolly. "State modifications."

"Change clothing," Janeway said, with a disgusted look in the trainer's general direction. 

"Please specify."

"A black tank top and black, spandex shorts." Janeway looked approvingly at the newer Chip. "Good. Now, change hair colour to brown and increase thickness." Chip's hair magically thickened and darkened. "Good, good. Remove yellow headband." Chip's hair fell dashingly over his forehead. "Now, access behavioural subroutines and make Chip smarter, more masculine, and remove his desire to call me 'Kitty."'

"Modifications complete."

"Great. Computer, reactivate program."

The new rendition of Chip smiled dazzlingly at Kathryn and she valiantly suppressed the urge to giggle. "Hey Kathryn-" he began brightly, with the new light of actual intelligence in his eyes, "are you and the little one ready to start?"

_He's no Michael Sullivan_, she thought, _but I'm sure I'll think of _something_ to do with him…_

"Sure are," she confirmed, glad that the holo-trainer was no longer calling her Kitty. Whoever had programmed the thing had a _really_ sick sense of humour.

Kathryn suspected Tom, for some unknown reason.

"Kathryn?"

"What- oh yes. Go ahead Chip, what are we starting with today?"

Chip smiled another blinding number. "Squats." 


	10. Spicetea Isn't Red

Chapter 10

Three months after telling the crew of her pregnancy, and five months after discovering the life within her Kathryn Janeway walked down the corridors of Voyager in her slightly modified Starfleet uniform. She had just come off of the Alpha shift and was heading gratefully towards her quarters where she would eat something unoffending and then curl up with an informative, if not terribly intriguing book about motherhood that the Doctor had presented to her with undisguised zeal.

As she walked, she passed many crewmembers. All of them waved and smiled and generally congratulated her silently each time they saw her. She smiled back, glowing as they say any woman with child does. 

She then saw B'Elanna, her young Klingon friend who was also currently in a similar state. 

"Hello B'Elanna," began Kathryn as she halted her walking and smiled, "how are you feeling?"

B'Elanna smiled ruefully. "Oh- you know. Fat, tired and generally heavy. And this baby will _not_ stop kicking!"

Kathryn smiled commiseratingly. "May I?"

"Sure," said B'Elanna as the Captain moved forward and gently placed her hand on B'Elanna's swollen stomach. She laughed as she felt a strong kick from within- but unlike her horrible nightmare that had long since stopped its assaults, it was not a fending kick. 

"Strong little girl, isn't she?" commented Kathryn wryly as the baby booted her mother's stomach again.

"Oh yes," sighed B'Elanna as she winced, "very strong."

Kathryn smiled and removed her hand. "Are you just going on shift now?" Kathryn inquired. 

"No, actually. I'm heading back to my quarters."

"Care to join me for lunch- one fat, tired, and generally heavy pregnant woman to another?"

B'Elanna laughed heartily. "Why not?"

And so B'Elanna and Kathryn, the Klingon waddling and Kathryn just beginning to feel the discomfort of her state travelled towards the Captain's quarters. And then, Kathryn marvelled, so like her nightmare and yet so different, the two women spied Sam Wildman and her daughter Naomi. 

"Captain!" giggled the little girl in delight as she ran to the woman and attempted to wrap her arms around the Captain's rounded stomach in a hug. For the record, it wasn't working. 

"Hello Naomi!" exclaimed Kathryn as she, with some difficulty, picked up the little girl and balanced her on her hip. "And how are you today?"

"Fine, thank-you," said Naomi politely, with a furtive glance towards her mother. Sam nodded approvingly and Naomi smiled, happy that she had been a good girl and had said the right thing. 

"Ohhh," exclaimed the Captain as she put the heavy child back onto the ground after a quick hug, "Naomi- you're getting much too heavy for me to pick you up anymore- you've grown into such a big girl!"

"Katarian children grow faster than human children," stated Naomi knowingly.

Kathryn grinned. "Really?" she began. "I didn't know that!" She looked up at Sam and winked. "What a smart girl you are, Naomi."

Naomi smiled shyly at the praise that was being showered upon her.

"Sam- B'Elanna and I were just heading towards my quarters for lunch- to fat, tired and generally heavy pregnant women together. Would you and Naomi like to join us?"

Sam frowned. "That's nice of you to ask, Captain, but I have to go on duty just now, and Naomi was heading to astrometrics for a lesson with Seven-"

"Aww, mom, please can I go with the Captain and B'Elanna? Please, please, please?" Naomi hopped up and down anxiously. 

"Well," said Sam, "what about Seven? Won't she be cross with you if you skip your lesson?"

"Oh, come on mom," said Kathryn pleadingly, grinning with outrageous subterfuge. "I'm sure Seven won't mind just this once."

"Yeah-" agreed Naomi fervently, "please mommy?"

"Uh oh," said B'Elanna warningly, also smirking, "she's breaking out the 'mommys' Sam- this is going to break into all out begging soon!"  

"Fine, fine!" said Sam as she threw up her hands in defeat. "Naomi, be good," and she bent to give her daughter a kiss. "Thanks Captain, B'Elanna," said Sam as she smiled and then walked hurriedly away.

"Come on, Naomi," said Kathryn as she took the little girl's hand, "we're going to lunch!"

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And what  a lunch it was. Though Naomi was content with a grilled cheese sandwich, Kathryn and B'Elanna blew the replicator bank and treated themselves to delicacies that no person in their right mind would consume on a regular basis- leola root was contained in none of these. 

It was only after they had finished their raspberry sorbet that Kathryn stood up. "I'm freezing- would either of you like anything hot to drink?"

B'Elanna grinned. "Bloodwine's out of the question, I suppose?"

"Completely," Kathryn concurred. "But I'm sure a nice cup of Vulcan spice-tea would be just as warming, without the- uh- usual side effects of Klingon bloodwine. Besides, B'Ela… we're both pregnant. We shouldn't be consuming alcohol!"

B'Elanna glowered at her distended stomach.  Kathryn pretended not to notice. 

"What would you like sweetie?" she said as she turned to Naomi, who to her credit had been sitting very quietly. 

"Can I have hot chocolate, please…" she said hopefully, "in a blue mug?"

Kathryn rolled her eyes. Only Naomi would specify what colour she wanted the mug to be. "Of course you may."  She walked over to the replicator. "Two Vulcan spice-tea, hot." They materialized. "One hot chocolate, in a blue mug," she added as she suppressed a giggle. 

Everything was blissfully perfect. Spice-tea, hot chocolate- and a child that would prefer that hot chocolate in a blue mug. It was out of blue with child-like tact that Naomi delivered a fact that Kathryn would rather have not come up at all. 

"Captain," she stated in a voice that was between bemused and all- out terrified. "Why are you bleeding?"  

Kathryn looked down in horror at the stain of red that was quickly spreading out over her light green pants. She sank, slowly to the floor and seemed not to breath at all as she wrapped her thin arms around her swollen stomach.  Shatteringly, she inhaled deeply- 

And screamed. 

Naomi let out a shriek of her own at the sound that wrenched from Kathryn Janeway so painfully- and then she ran, ran for all the world as though the biggest monster in the world was right behind her little six-year-old self. Sobbing wildly she tore through the hallways until she flew into the nearest Jeffries tube and hid there, shaking uncontrollably. 


	11. Promise

Chapter 11

"Kathryn!" B'Elanna said sharply as she grabbed the incoherent woman by the shoulders. Kathryn didn't seem to notice. B'Elanna shook her more roughly, trying to snap her out of her hysteria. Kathryn was too far gone to even look the Klingon in the eyes. All she could do was scream. 

"Torres to Sickbay- I need an emergency site to site. It's Kathryn-"

"Acknowledged," came the terse reply. 

B'Elanna looked back to Kathryn, who still sat obliviously shaking and screaming as she clutched at her stomach. "Be strong, Kathryn," she murmured as she placed a reassuring hand on the woman's shoulder, only to be ignored. 

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B'Elanna and the shrieking Kathryn Janeway materialized in Sickbay a few seconds later. 

The Doctor rushed over to the biobed, a medical tricorder in hand. "What's wrong with her?"

B'Elanna gulped. "She's bleeding- I- and she just started screaming, like that-" B'Elanna babbled, free now to lose her composure. The Doctor would take care of Kathryn.

"I see- Lieutenant, if you could erect a privacy screen-" suggested the Doctor. 

"R-right. Okay." B'Elanna was stuttering now, but as long as she had some menial task to fulfill, she wouldn't completely lose it. "There," she said, as the screen appeared in place after she had tapped the instructions into the nearest consol. 

The Doctor turned to Kathryn. "Captain- Captain!" 

She did not reply. 

"Captain, if you do not cease screaming and allow me to examine you, I will have to sedate you."

Kathryn stared into space incomprehensibly and continued to cry. "Very well," said the Doctor as he administered a hypospray to Kathryn's neck. Slowly, her arms fell to her sides and her screams slowed and softened to terrified, and delirious whimpers. "Lie back now- that's right," said the Doctor as he lowered his quickly fading Captain onto the biobed. Her eyelids drooped and finally closed. 

"B'Elanna," said the Doctor, "If you would remove her pants, I'm going to scan the baby to locate the problem."

B'Elanna did as she was told. The Doctor _hmmed_ and _harrumphed_ over his readings. 

"What?" asked B'Elanna abruptly. "She's not miscarrying, is she?"

"No," stated the Doctor, "the placenta has broken away from the wall on her inner uterus. It isn't common, but it does not threaten the pregnancy. I simply have to place the regenerator here, and-" he said as he moved an instrument to the side of Kathryn's large stomach, "-she'll be as good as new." The Doctor completed the minor surgery and replaced the instrument on his table. "However, whatever prompted her bout of hysterics is an entirely different matter. Under normal circumstances, it is not unusual for a woman to be upset by a small amount of bleeding, especially a woman so steadfast as Captain Janeway, but her incoherent state suggests that much more was ensuing than a slight scare. I believe it wise for her to remain in Sickbay, at least over night. I'm no counsellor, but I'm loath to let her out just yet. Something in her mind snapped when she saw she was bleeding, and I'm afraid she'll not be fit for duty until she and I can identify it and deal with it."

B'Elanna nodded. "Shouldn't someone inform Chakotay?"

"I'll leave that to you, Lieutenant," the Doctor smiled. "And whatever you do," he added warningly, "make sure you start of by telling him that Kathryn and her baby are just fine. There's no sense in sending _him_ into hysterics."

"Right," B'Elanna agreed. Quickly, she left sickbay and made for the bridge where she knew the Commander was still on duty.   

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B'Elanna approached Chakotay carefully when she stepped out of the turbolift  and onto the bridge.

"Hello B'Elanna," said Chakotay cheerfully enough. 

"Hey," she replied in a friendly manner. "Could I speak with you in your office?"

Chakotay quirked and eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

"No- not with me. Kathryn-"

"_WHAT'S WRONG WITH KATHRYN?!_" growled Chakotay in absolute horror.

"Down boy," said B'Elanna sternly as she gabbed Chakotay by the arm and dragged him to his office, glaring at the bridge crew who had all stopped abruptly when Chakotay shouted. "Harry-" she said shortly, "you have the bridge."

"Yes, Ma'am."

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Several seconds later, in Chakotay's office, B'Elanna was explaining the ordeal to him, assuring him that Kathryn was fine and that her baby was alright as well. Chakotay simmered down somewhat after hearing that, but he was still twitching considerably when B'Elanna left his office ten minutes later.

It was half and hour later when he had returned to duty that he received a rather distressed comm. from Samantha Wildman. 

"Commander, have you seen Naomi anywhere? I haven't been able to find her- she was having lunch with B'Elanna and the Captain, but now…"

Chakotay frowned. "She's forgotten her comm. badge again?"

"Yes," said Sam. 

"Have you tried B'Elanna?"

"I've tried, but her she's not answering her comm. badge and Tom told me that she was having a nap. I'm really sorry, but-" 

"That's alright Sam," Chakotay assured the worried mother. "Why don't you come up here. I think I may know why you can't find her." 

Chakotay waited in his office for Sam, and she came within five minutes of being asked. 

"You said you might know what happened?" said Sam as soon as she was through the doors. 

"Yes- while Naomi was having lunch with B'Elanna and Kathryn, Kathryn began bleeding." Sam gasped. "I know," Chakotay said. "Apparently, Kathryn didn't handle it very well and she immediately broke down into hysterics- complete with screaming and crying."

"Oh no-" breathed Sam, realising that's why no one could find Naomi. She'd have run away as soon as she saw the Captain in that state.

"I think we'd better start checking Jeffries tubes," said Chakotay resignedly. "I'll round up a security team. It'll take us no time at all."

Sam smiled. "Thank-you Commander." 

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Meanwhile, Kathryn had woken up in sickbay and was conversing with the Doctor, after he had assured her time an again that her baby was fine. 

"I've had these awful nightmares," Kathryn confessed to the Doctor as she sat on her biobed and ran her fingers nervously through her hair. 

"Go on," said the Doctor encouragingly.  

"I miscarried in every one of them and- well, when I started bleeding this afternoon-"

"Ah- I see," said the Doctor knowingly. "Well, now that I know why you snapped like you did-"

"Snapped?" Kathryn questioned genuinely. 

"You don't remember? Well, it's not uncommon after suffering severe hysterics for one to forget-"

Kathryn stared at the Doctor- guilt flashing through her blue eyes. "…Oh god…" she gasped. 

"What?" exclaimed the Doctor. 

"Naomi-" was all she said before she leapt off of the biobed and ran through the doors of Sickbay, still clad in the hospital pyjamas the Doctor had dressed her in, her loose hair fanning out behind her in a wave of copper. 

=/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=   =/\=

Our rather pregnant Janeway flew down the corridors of Voyager, instinctively knowing where Naomi Wildman was, and not quite knowing why. 

_She'll have been there for hours- terrified. _

Kathryn stopped at the opening to the Jeffries tube nearest her quarters and pried open the hatch. She looked inside, and didn't immediately see the child. 

"Naomi?" she called a little furtively. 

A quick intake of air came from around the nearest corner. Encouraged, Kathryn climbed, with some difficulty, into the Jeffries tube in search of the origin of that gasp. She spotted the small pile of Naomi just a ways down the tube around that first corner. 

"Naomi," she exclaimed in relief, but the small girl jerked in terror and her eyes fixated themselves on Kathryn. "Naomi- sweetheart, come here," said Kathryn softly, horrified at the fact that it was _her_ that the girl was terrified of. Naomi didn't move, but a small whimper of fear escaped her lips. 

"Naomi, dear heart- I'm not going to hurt you," said Kathryn, but to no avail. The girl would not move and Kathryn was sure that if she tried to approach Naomi, the girl would only flee further into the labyrinth of the Jeffries tubes. A new tactic was in order. "If you don't want to come with me now- that's fine. I'll just wait here for you, alright?" Kathryn settled herself against the wall and closed her eyes, humming softly.

It was only five minutes later when she felt small arms wrap themselves tightly about her waist. Slowly, Kathryn pulled Naomi into her lap and held her closely to her. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," she whispered, "I didn't mean to frighten you."

Naomi clung to her. Several minutes passed before she said anything. "I _really_ love you lots Captain- please don't be scary again."

Kathryn smiled. "I love you lots too, Naomi."

"Promise you won't be scary again- _ever,_" she added with finality. 

"Promise," replied Captain Kathryn Janeway.  


End file.
